Calm my restless soul

Perhaps I only needed a few days to recover from my first trip. I'm kind of itching to be off and doing something again.

If you were to ask me the most important lesson I learned during these months abroad, I would tell you it was that I definitely need people. As independent as I thought I was emotionally, I realize that I can only take this loneliness for so long.

In the end, everyone needs more than just one person. Don't listen to those romantic stories that say, "Just you and me, baby. All we need is each other." I'll save you the heartbreak and effort and tell you that's a lie. We need a community, fellowship, a circle of friends. You can marry the love of your life, but you can't depend on that one person to fill all the holes of your heart. We're more complicated than that. Much more complicated. And I won't even get into that God-shaped void.

Anyway, I miss Boston and the fellowship I had there. I may have taken advantage of it just being there for me all the time, and how I wish I could have seen everyone one last time! If I could give you all hugs, see you smile, hear you laugh, share your fears, tell you my fears - what I would give!

I'm writing about Balance in my personal statement, and even in just trying to get a solid start I've learned quite a bit. The most exciting experiences in life can haul the hardest lessons in tow, leaving you short of reaching that perfect moment/period in your life - that time to which you'll forever retreat to keep believing that life is good.

As much as I love being abroad, living in a different culture, traveling to cool places, and spending time with my boyfriend, I crave the groups of friends I had/have in the states. It's been such a long time since I've been in physical contact with a close friend. I've forgotten how it is to have my own social life.

The closest thing I had so far has been one night out with Alan and his friend, James, and that was such a relief. As much as I enjoy talking to older aunts/uncles/parents/brother and sister-in-law, I have to admit it was really nice to hang out with someone my own age.

But I held it out, and tomorrow Alan and I are off to see London, Venice, Florence, Munich possibly, Salzburg and Prague! No, we haven't gotten any packing even done yet, but we've been tired and busy this week. I want to get a run out, but has been pretty awful for that. It'll be a nice change from sitting around the house for me, and not having to work for Alan. Unfortunately, London seems to be pouring down rain. Mmm...yum. So much for all the plans to just lie around in the parks. =(

After those 13 days, I'm back in Ballymoney for four more days preparing to return to America! It's a bit surreal to think about that, but it's also surreal to think about my life since January, even since July. Heck, you can even go as far back as August 2005, when I and my three 70-lb suitcases checked into John Wayne Airport to leave for Boston.

Cheers to life, unpredictability, surprises, and uncertainty. And, of course, some much-needed optimism about the scary future.